Recent events.

Ok - I've been busy. Here's the 2 cent low down on what's been going on:

- Lots of Young mens stuff (which I love)
- My parents house (the house I grew up in) burned down
- I went to Mexico (Cabo) with my family for Christmas, which was awesome.
- Now I'm home and back to the grind - feeling rather grateful for all I have.

Sorry for the lack of details - I just haven't been that up to posting about some of this stuff.

What is the deal with Santa Claus?

Ok. First of all, long time no post. I know. I disappeared into a vortex of despondent funk there for a while after my team lost. I'm over it now.

I have a hard time with the whole Santa Claus thing. First and foremost, it distracts from the real meaning of Christmas more than anything. Christmas has become so commercialized. It drives me crazy. You hear so much more about Santa than Christ. The kid's songs focus much more on Santa than Christ. The kids are therefore naturally more excited about Santa, than Christ. I always feel like there is this tug-of-war that goes on between the two, and it's a battle to educate my kids about why we really have Christmas. Case and point, The Polar Express, The Santa Clause movies, Elf among countless others. They all have the same message - "you have to believe in Santa Claus, then all your wildest dreams will come true!" Ok, I added that last bit. But believing in Santa Claus does nothing for me or my kids. What good comes from it? I guess it can be cute and fun when they are young... But at one point they're just going to realize that we are lying to them. And why? What for? What is the point? It's all a stupid pagan lie that I hate keeping up. I truly prefer to just tell my kids that there is no Santa Claus. Last year right before Christmas, Christine said to me, "Dad, there is no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy, is there?" So badly I wanted to shout out - "You're right!! It's all this ridiculous lie and I hate it!" But I restrained. I don't know why.

Now don't get me wrong, Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. I am by no means a scrooge. But it is my favorite because of the birth of our Savior, and not because of his aforementioned competition. I love that people are a little nicer, a little kinder, and go out of there way to help others. And why do people do that? Because of Christ, not because of Santa Claus.

So this season I wish to you all a Merry CHRISTmas! May we remember our Savior, his wonderful life, his love, his example, his teachings, his death, and his resurrection. And may SantaClaus-mas be the farthest thing from our hearts.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Go Cougs.

WANTED!

***WANTED FOR PETTY BOOGER THEFT***

SCOTTY AND JANNY
$5.00 REWARD

MAKE NO MISTAKE, THESE TWO BOOGER THIEVES ARE ARMED AND DANGEROUS! IF YOU BUMP INTO THEM, TURN AND RUN AND CALL THE AUTHORITIES IMMEDIATELY!

Disclaimer: Not to be confused with the "Brighton Booger Eaters."

Videos

My kids and I shot this video several months ago. I'm only now getting around to editing and posting it. It was shot in the evening so the light quality is already poor, and now being compressed for internet it's even worse. Nevertheless, it was way fun to make. Enjoy!

WORLD ARM WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP



For our activity on Wednesday night we shot this Mentos commercial. It turned out pretty good. Here's to our future commercial superstars - Bo, Michael, Rylee and Spencer!

MENTOS BASKETBALL

Japanese at it again...

The fruit of my loins...

I love this little guy. Sam's filling out and getting cuter and cuter every day. How can I not be crazy about this kid? I never thought it would be so fun to have a little son.

LOL!

Thank goodness for people like these. They give me something to aspire to. Wait for the man who sings...

Worst Best Man Ever

Dance Machines

That last Osmond video reminded me of this little gem. Me, Jon, Josh and Erik put on this little performance for a family reunion in 2000. Sorry for the poor quality - I'm the one in the purple pants. Enjoy.

Crazy Horses

Those crazy Osmonds with their crazy moves, crazy hair, crazy outfits, and crazy horses. So crazy.

Yearbook Photos

Alright. I had some fun with this one. And yes, I wasted quite a bit of time on it. But some of these turned out pretty good I thought. Please enjoy my yearbook photos, from 1954-2000. Click to enlarge.
I expect to see some of you create your own. Go to www.yearbookyourself.com.

Rather dumb woman.

Apparently she's never heard of a tow truck.

Christine's Baptism

Christine turned 8 yesterday, and is going to be getting baptized this Saturday (27th). If any of you would like to come, consider yourselves invited. It will take place at our church on 1321 E. 7200 S. at 10:00 am. Hope to see you there.

Lake Powell

My sister in law Heather is a fantastic photographer. Check out her website if you like. She had her camera down at Lake Powell and got some great shots.

From left: Mary, Nina, Hannah, Christine, and Ben


Erik & Jon

Mary

Tine

Mary & Nina

My little man Sam

Mary & Erik on the tube.

"I lost my swimsuit...has anyone seen it?"

Me diving with my new swimsuit I just made. Thank goodness for boy scouts for teaching me how to make a very fashionable swimsuit from a t-shirt.

LOL! Clayton "parading" on the beach. Cracks me up.


Can you spot the retard?

The Six Quirks Tag

Ok, I've never done one of these before. But since Brandi took the time to tag me, I'll acquiesce.

Brandi tagged to come up with six quirks about myself. Here are the rules:

* Link the person who tagged you
* List 6 of your quirks
* Tag 6 other bloggers by linking them
* List the rules on your blog

THE QUIRKS:

1. Punctuality. If you were to graph my irritation level related to minutes that I'm late for something, the curve would rise exponentially beginning minute one, with an average slope of at least 25. I don't like being late, especially when people are waiting on me.

2. Reading on the toilet. I've read entire novels on the toilet. I've always gotta have something to read in there. I really like to do business when I'm doing business. Too much info? Yes. But you wanted to know the quirks.

3. If you haven't gathered it already, I'm a nut for BYU football. I read every article written on them every day. I can't not watch the games. If it isn't available in my house, I'll most likely knock doors till I find someone who has it.

4. I don't know if these are quirks, or simply the results of being a member of the lesser sex: belching, gas (seems to be there whenever I need it, especially in the middle of the night), ear wax, & stinky feet.

5. I pick at my eyelashes. I posted about this once before. Go here to see that post. I've done this my whole life. I usually have big chunks of eyelashes missing. Right now the gap is on my left eye. See below:
6. I sleep face down with my pillow on my head.

Ok, so who to tag. It would be neat if I actually had a group of dedicated subscribers to choose from - but I think I only have one or two readers. Anyway, I'll tag Josh, Emily, and Mindy.

Southern Smarts...

Blog Worthy Joke

This got me laughing.

A farmer had five pigs:


A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take
them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another
farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to
mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmer's lived sixty
miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a
field in which to let the pigs mate.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M.,
loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the
only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I
know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're
lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant. if they're in the
mud, they're not."! ;The next morning the pigs were rolling in the
mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon
again and proceeded to try again.

This continued each morning for more than a week. The next morning he
was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please
look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the
grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of
them is honking the horn."

Lake Powell return trip...

Ok. So Lake Powell was a blast, and I will get pics up of that soon enough. But Jon and I had a riot on the way home taking pictures of none other than ourselves. This slide show is dedicated to all those who love taking pictures of themselves.

ENJOY!

In My Opinion...

I got to thinking about being opinionated. I think that everyone has opinions about all sorts of things, but only few are opinionated. I don't think I'm that opinionated. I'm rather passive and non-confrontational when it comes to expressing what I really think during conversation. So this got me thinking about what my opinions really are. So I thought I'd name a few. Perhaps a few of you will like me less - but then what is the point of liking me at all if you don't know me in the first place? So here's a top ten (though they are really in random order):

1. Everyone needs God in their lives, and needs to be spiritually fed. Souls are made up of both physical and spiritual bodies - both will die if they don't have constant nourishment.

2. There is no excuse for drunk driving. I can't think of anything that gets me more furious. There should be a zero-tolerance law with respect to people who drive drunk. Licenses should be permanently revoked, and they should be thrown in jail.

3. Relating to #1; both democrats and republicans have serious problems so long as they continue to allow God to removed from this country. A Godless nation is one that is doomed for self destruction.

4. Having money doesn't translate into happiness, but it can bring some...=] I bought a boat this year. Owning a boat has been a dream of mine for a very long time. Having it out with my family last week at Lake Powell, watching my girls ski, teaching Emily to drive, and skiing with my brothers definitely provided some of the happiest feelings I've ever had.

5. College Football is the greatest sport in the world.

6. God doesn't care about football, he cares about his children.

7. Politicians need to quit the power game and let the voice of the people dictate what they do. We should be tapping our own resources for energy - this is the promised land for heaven's sake! We have enough resources to be totally self-sufficient and yet we have people who can't put food on their table because we're trying to protect a bunch of arctic birds and bunnies. Does that really make any sense?

8. True happiness really is found in family, and in serving God.

9. Joseph Smith saw what he said he saw, and did what he said he did.

10. I'm not a conspiracy theorist - though I do believe that colossal conspiracies do exist - such as the one between the FDA and pharmaceutical companies. All these years in technical and medical advances - yet the last disease to be cured was polio? Modern drugs aren't designed to cure, nor will the FDA allow it. There's just too much money at stake to cure disease.

BONUS OPINION: Emily is the best.

Thank God for prophets.

For Josh...

Here you go bud.

Gay Donatello

Oh man. My brother is a crack up. Clay no longer has a blog, but these pics are definitely blog-worthy so I had to stick them up. Clayton took his son Ben to Lagoon a few days ago. Somehow they won some contest booth and were awarded this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Donatello) stuffed toy. Only Donatello turned out to be gay (according to Clay). So they spent the afternoon posing with Donny in these photos. The captions were provided by Clay. I can just see him laughing as he was taking the pics:

Gay Donatello with Ben.

Gay Donatello posing by a tree.

Gay Donatello hanging from a tree.

Gay Donatello on the Odysea ride with Ben.

Gay Donatello explaining the complicated Odysea controls.

Collie on the mend...

Oh man. 6 days. I can't wait.

The ULCER!

WOW! I mean WOW! I think that was the coolest thing I've ever done. It was so exciting to be a part of. There were 1600 riders that participated. I trained hard for this, and it really paid off. I really surprised myself with how well I did.

To line up the riders, they had 4 categories: team time trials, race pace (20+), medium pace (15-19mph), and everyone else. Rob and I ended up lining up in the "15-19 mph" pace. That seemed about what we had averaged over our big rides. To start, we found some club riders that were moving pretty fast, and just stayed in their draft. It was so cool to be a part of a peloton. The sounds of dozens of tires humming on the pavement, the constant warning shouts and hand signals, the POP! and pshhhhhh! of tires popping, riders going down that you had to dodge - man, it was such a rush. I ended up averaging 20.5 mph over the whole race. It was sweet! I'm still on a high from it.

I made a little video/slideshow of the event. I couldn't help but put it to the "Rocky" theme music, so watch out for corniness - but enjoy!

Barack Rolled

ULCER post coming soon.

More on Cycling...

So with the ULCER coming up on Saturday, I've been working hard to get ready. It's been hard to create time to train. Between training, my calling in the young mens, my work, and my family, it's been a rather stressful summer. I've even developed an ulcer, which I discovered Sunday. Doc says it's time to cut out the stress. How do you like that? An ulcer right before the ULCER. OH SWEET IRONY!

I'm a bit anxious for the race. I feel ready however. We've trained our little buns off. Rob and I did a 75 miler last Saturday. It was good, but difficult toward the end. I forgot my pain killers. In fact, I'd like to introduce you to Rob. This is Robert Yeo (left), my life-partner. I mean my riding partner. This picture depicts basically how I know him. He's always leaving me in the dust. You're actually looking at his better side. This other pic is of me trying to keep up with Rob. I was pretending that there happened to be a sports photographer that was interested in taking shots of me while I was riding. I think this is how I would pose if that were the case. Unfortunately, it's not true. I really just like to take pictures of myself. I also threw in an action-shot to give you an idea of what things look like from the bike seat. Not many people have that opportunity to actually sit on a bicycle after all.

Rob's been a champ to train with - he's strong as an ox and is difficult to keep up with. So a quick note out to Rob - Thanks for working with me bro - there's no way I could have trained for this thing without you. What a great life... I mean riding partner you are.

Yesterday I did my last real training ride. It was my same hilly 20 miler that I usually do. I broke my record again and did it in 67.5 minutes. That was tough - I was pretty beat. I rode hard, and there was a head wind the entire time. These pics are right after that ride. I was happy to have it over with.

Next up, 111.

Self Defense for Dorks

Love the low kicks part.

Anniversary

9th anniversary today. So happy anniversary to my babe. Thanks for making life so great.

lol.

How not to Fly an RC Jet - Watch more free videos

Cycling

Couple things:

Rode 75 miles on Saturday with Rob. It was hard, but awesome. ULCER is Saturday, I'm ready.

Thursday I rode my hilly 20 mile route in 69 minutes, that was the fastest I've ever done it.

Why do Cyclists Shave Their Legs?

Smooth, but definitely not sexy. Are those my shaved legs? Yes, yes they are. So why do cyclists shave their legs? Well before I address that let me say that I do not consider myself a cyclist. More like a thirty-something riding a bike trying not to get fat. I don't think I could label myself a cyclist until I've completed some major (or at least significant) event (i.e. the ULCER). Yes I have a great road bike; yes I wear spandex and enjoy it; yes I've put over 2000 miles on my bike; but until I finish this race, I'm afraid I'm nothing more than a wanna-be.

Back to the issue at hand. Are cyclists that shave their legs fancy boys? No, but this guy isn't helping. Ask any hard-core cyclist why he shaves his legs, and you'll get a slurry of creative answers. The most common are:

Aerodynamics: Smoother legs have less drag and resistance. Good grief, are you kidding? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. There's zero evidence for this claim. It's like saying that Screech would be more attractive if he shaved his beard. If there is any truth to this, it is psychological. You think you are faster, therefore you are faster.

Road Rash: Less hair makes it easier to bandage, manage infection etc. While there is truth to this, if you are crashing so often that you really have to do this, then maybe you should try a new sport, like ribbon twirling. I've crashed once in 2000 miles - the bandaids weren't that bad to deal with.

So having listed those first two, if either of these is the response you get from a cyclist, then they are just gay. Ok, maybe not gay, but too arrogant too admit that this isn't the real reason they shaved their legs.

Massage: Hair gets in the way of a good, deep tissue massage after a long ride. Ok, sounds pretty legitimate - but seriously, of all the leg shaving boys out there, how many of them are really good enough, or ride enough to warrant having massages after every ride or having their own massage therapist? Come on. Pro Cyclists, yes - everyone else, keep searching for your real answer.

Vanity: Real serious cyclists (that just disqualified me right there) develop some pretty serious legs. Shaving make sure that everyone else knows it.

To Impress Other Cyclists: Woolly Mammoth man feels a bit awkward when he shows up to ride with all the sleek, cleanly-shaven "real" cyclists. They all look at him like he's some weekend warrior with excess fur, rather than a pure cyclist like themselves.

Tradition: I like this one. It is simple, there's no effort to justify or make some long story about why you have smooth legs. It is simply a tradition among cyclists.

So why did I abandon the Magnum PI look? I suppose it's a combination of some of these answers. Vanity? No. Don't have the legs to be proud of. To impress other cyclists? Yeah, a bit. I'm going to be riding this century ride in a couple weeks - I want to be taken seriously. Don't want to be like woolly mammoth man after all. Tradition? Yes, but again - by my own confession I'm not actually a real cyclist yet. I think the main reason I did it is to celebrate an achievement. The achievement being my participation in the ULCER next week. This is one of the biggest things I've ever attempted, and definitely the longest and hardest I've ever trained for something (maybe excluding wrestling in high school).

So I shaved my legs. I gotta say I kinda like it. It feels totally different when I slide into bed, when I'm in the pool, when I jump into my jeans, when I slide down a coconut tree. Girly? Absolutely. Metro sexual? Yeah maybe. Sexy? Hasn't done much for me so far, so no. An odd way to celebrate something I'd say. But there's just so much pressure to fit in these days...